Mardi, 24 décembre 2013

LES ENFANTS OUBLIÉS

Quand arrive Noël j’ai toujours comme un pincement au cœur. Peut-être parce que malgré moi ça ramène à la surface des souvenirs douloureux de ma jeunesse.

 

La semaine dernière je voyais à TVA la série de reportages sur les enfants de la DPJ. Ça me brise le cœur parce que j’en ai fait partie. Et dans ces moments-là je pense toujours aux paroles de cette belle chanson de Gilbert Bécaud, qui tourne sur nos radios en cette période de Noël, « Les enfants oubliés ». Dont voici les paroles :


Les enfants oubliés traînent dans les rues
Sans but et au hasard
Ils ont froid, ils ont faim, ils sont presque nus
Et leurs yeux sont remplis de brouillard

Comme une volée
De pauvres moineaux
Ils ont pour rêver
Le bord des ruisseaux
Recroquevillés
Sous le vent d’hiver
Dans leur pull-over
De laine mitée

Les enfants oubliés traînent dans les rues
Sans but et au hasard
Ils ont froid, ils ont faim, ils sont presque nus
Et leurs yeux sont remplis de brouillard
Les enfants oubliés ont pour seuls parents
Que les bruits des grands boulevards
Dans le creux de leurs mains ils tendent aux passants
Des objets dérobés aux bazars

Ils ont pour s’aimer
D’un naïf amour
La fragilité
Des mots de velours
Ils ont pour palais
Tout un univers
Dans les courants d’air
Des vastes cités

Les enfants oubliés traînent dans les rues
Tout comme de petits vieux
Ils ont froid, ils ont faim
Ils sont presque nus
Mais ce sont les enfants du bon Dieu.

La première strophe vient particulièrement me chercher. Je devais avoir une douzaine d’années. Ma mère souffrait de maladie mentale et j’avais été installé dans le système des familles d’accueil. Je vous ferai grâce du sentiment d’isolement qui m’habitait alors, vu qu’on me considérait comme un « extra ». À l’évidence on privilégiait toujours les enfants légitimes. J’étais l’enfant chèque. Et je fus même agressé sexuellement. Bref, la panoplie du pire qui peut survenir pour un enfant. On ne s’en sort jamais complètement indemne. Les séquelles demeurent. 



Et il arrivait qu’à certaines périodes, je retrouvais ma mère à l’occasion. En réalité je changeais d’enfer. Comme cette fois où elle m’avait demandé d’aller chercher une pizza et un Coke. Je traverse donc la rue et me rends chercher la commande. Mais j’étais souvent lunatique. Et ça se comprend, avec tout ce que je vivais, me sentant toujours de trop. Au retour j’avais pris la boite de carton à la verticale sous le bras, comme on tient un livre. Avec le résultat que la pizza s’était retrouvée toute ratatinée au fond du carton. Ce que j’ai pris toute une dégelée ce soir-là. Je m’en souviendrai toujours.

Ma mère en furie m’arracha mon chandail, qui était en lambeaux, me menaçant de me planter la pizza en pleine figure. Pris de peur je quittai en trombe la maison pour me retrouver tout seul rue Saint-Denis. Le temps était maussade. Il faisait froid et pluvieux. Et j’étais trop peu vêtu. Surgit une voiture noire. Un passager me demanda où j’allais. Je pris un peu peur. Sait-on jamais. Finalement je remarquai que sur le siège avant prenais place un prêtre et une religieuse. Et s’informant où je voulais aller, je leur ai dit que je souhaitais me rendre chez mon parrain, le juge Jacques Lamarche qui, étonnamment, siégeait au Tribunal de la jeunesse et était par le fait même très au fait du système de la DPJ.

Grâce à ces bons samaritains, mes anges gardiens que j’appelle, je pu éviter un bien plus triste sort. En fait, j’aurais pu verser dans la délinquance très facilement. Et pour quelles raisons, malgré mon lot de difficultés traumatisantes, je n’ai jamais été tenté ni par les drogues ni par l’alcool. J’ai eu par contre mes bibittes à moi. Comme par exemple je m’interdisais, une fois adulte, de trop manifester de tendresse envers des enfants de la famille ou d’amis, de peur d’être taxé de pensées vicieuses. Car j’ai connu ce que c’était à titre de victime. Il a fallu que le temps fasse son œuvre pour en venir à faire la part des choses entre mes nobles intentions et le qu’en dira-t-on.

LE PARDON C’EST CRISTAL...

Mais on n’y échappe pas. Quand vient Noël ressurgit des moments de vie qu’on croit avoir enterrés. Ils sont là mais ne dominent plus ma vie. Car fort heureusement, ce qui m’a permis de réaliser par la suite une vie normale, c’est que j’ai su pardonner me pardonner. Ce n’est pas chose facile, je le sais. Mais il faut en arriver là afin qu’on ne traîne pas toute sa vie son boulet et ainsi hypothéquer inutilement le futur. Comme l’a déjà écrit quelqu’un, le passé est un roc, le futur du sable mouvant, mais le présent est bien réel et je le contrôle du mieux que je peux.

D’ailleurs, à cet effet, la prière des Alcooliques anonymes est un précieux secours pour qui veut savoir comment faire la part des choses : « Seigneur donnez-moi la capacité d’accepter les choses que je ne peux changer, de changer les choses que je peux changer et la sagesse d’en connaître la différence ».  Mes pensées vont à tous ces mal aimés qui me lisent et qui ont de la difficulté à se sortir de leur passé. Il ne faut jamais céder au découragement. On doit se donner un peu de soleil dans nos vies.

En terminant je veux vous adresser, en mon nom et celui de mon équipe, tous mes meilleurs vœux. Prenez le temps de vous reposer. Le monde est très agité en ce moment et on ne prend pas assez de temps pour soi. C’est comme ça qu’on répare sa mécanique intérieure.

N.B. On s’accorde deux petits moments de répit bien mérité, les 25 décembre et 1er janvier. L'infolettre fera relâche ces 2 journées.



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