Vendredi, 25 février 2011

CET HORRIBLE SENTIMENT DE CULPABILITÉ

Une chose qui nous caractérise nous, les femmes, c’est cette culpabilité que nous traînons souvent comme un boulet. Et la résultante de ce sentiment de culpabilité se présente sous la forme du perfectionnisme.

 

Je me rappelle qu’une amie à moi mettait des heures de préparation pour simplement recevoir à souper des amis. Il fallait que tout soit parfait. Elle allait jusqu’à passer l’aspirateur dans tous les recoins de ses deux étages comme si les invités allaient se mettre à passer leur doigts partout dans la maison. Et ce n’est pas un cas isolé. Une soprano que j’ai connu venait de recevoir une ovation monstre de sept minutes après avoir chanté l’air fétiche de Maria Callas, Casta diva. J’étais allé la féliciter en coulisses pour son triomphe.

D’autant plus qu’elle venait de remporter un grand concours international. Et qu’est-ce qu’elle me dit au lieu d’être rayonnante ? « Oui je sais, mais à vers la fin j’ai comme ratée une note ». Au lieu de faire la carrière qui lui était destinée naturellement, cette fille a fini par se retrouver secrétaire dans une firme d’ingénierie conseil. Combien j’en vois des filles dans le métro au sortir du bureau en début de semaine, entrain de se faire des retouches de maquillage alors qu’elles n’ont aucune sortie en vue, elles filent directement à la maison. Comme pour si chaque minute d’apparition publique il fallait ne jamais être prise en défaut.

Parlant de maquillage, je me souviens d’une autre qui râlait de constater à quel point les éclairages des salles de bains dans les grands hôtels ne favorisaient pas des angles de vue permettant de mieux jauger de la qualité d’application du maquillage. Elle ajoutait « On voit bien que ce sont des hommes qui sont designers dans ces hôtels. Ils n’ont pas pensé aux côtés pratiques pour les femmes. »

S’EXCLURE TOUJOURS

Cette idée que nous les femmes sommes des êtres à part qui requérons des traitements spéciaux, finit par jouer en notre défaveur. Loin de nous rapprocher de l’égalité souhaitée avec nos congénères mâles, on se met dans une classe à part. Je me rappelle d’un homme qui rageait de ce que sa compagne mettait un temps fou à s’apprêter avant de sortir. Elle lui disait « Mais chéri c’est que tu ne sais pas ce que c’est d’être une femme ». Et bien c’est précisément ces phrases assassines qui nous nuisent plus qu’elles nous avantagent.

En toile de fond de toutes ces attitudes enfantines, c’est cette culpabilité constante. De ne jamais être performante, parfaite et quoi encore. Et sans compter ce discrédit de la comparaison avec d’autres femmes. Un copain m’avait raconté qu’un soir il avait reçu une volée de bois vert de sa petite amie car il avait osé en regarder une autre avec un peu d’insistance. Elle lui avait dit  « Et moi qu’est-ce que j’ai l’air là dedans ? » Toujours cette vulnérabilité qui est terriblement agaçante pour les autres.

De grands esprits ont tenté d’expliquer d’où venait cette culpabilité qui génère des comportements irrationnels. Si nous savons être distrayantes car en représentation permanente, on joue souvent une comédie. J’en ai connu des ces femmes fortes en apparence, mais qui cachaient bien leur jeu de la culpabilité qui les habitent. Culpabilité qui prend aussi la voie du manque de confiance. Ainsi, si une femme n’est pas complimentée pour la valeur de ses recettes, elle risque de plonger dans un désarroi. À la question : « Puis, comment tu trouves mon plat ? » Même s’il n’a rien d’un plat gastronomique, on se sent obligé d’en rajouter pour la sécuriser.

ADMETTONS QUE NOUS NE SOMMES PAS PARFAITES

Ça règlerait bien des problèmes si au point de départ on reconnaissait que la perfection n’étant pas de ce monde, on ne doit pas s’en faire sempiternellement avec notre image. On ne sera pas moins aimé parce que notre ragoût a cuit trop longtemps. Les hommes d’aujourd’hui ont fait un grand pas là-dessus, car beaucoup se font la cuisine eux-mêmes et reconnaissent leurs maladresses. Ils sont moins à la recherche d’une deuxième maman comme pour les générations précédentes. On se tourmente inutilement. Prenez la vie plus zen. C’est si court. Ménagez vos artères chères amies lectrices. L’homme vous appréciera surtout pour votre décontraction qui est une belle disposition pour affronter la vie.

Si vous avez des thèmes sur lesquels vous souhaitez vous exprimer, autres que celui d'aujourd'hui, n'hésitez pas.

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