Collaboration spéciale : Annabelle Boyer
Il y a quelques temps, un quotidien rapportait plusieurs informations sur des sites Internet de rencontres pour personnes mariées désireuses d’avoir des relations extraconjugales. C’était le second reportage que je lisais sur le sujet. L’un traitait de la situation en France et surtout du développement fulgurant de ces sites. L’autre présentait les sites qui existent au Québec avec moult détails sur leur fonctionnement.
Je ne peux pas dire que j’étais vraiment surprise, mais disons plutôt déçue. Je suis synergologue, j’analyse le non-verbal. Mon travail consiste à aider mes clients à prendre conscience de leurs propres messages non verbaux liés à leurs états d’être afin d’établir et de maintenir des relations plus authentiques, plus sincères, plus constructives. Je vise donc davantage à favoriser l’affirmation de soi dans le respect de la divergence d’opinion de l’autre, l’expression des besoins réels sans essayer de culpabiliser l’autre, la prise de conscience des réactions, des émotions et des états afin de travailler sur eux-mêmes et de cheminer.
Alors imaginez ma déception devant le développement croissant de sites favorisant la tromperie, le mensonge, les cachoteries. Les responsables de ces sites vont jusqu’à fournir des alibis : fausses factures, fausses inscriptions à un congrès, reçus de restaurants et de taxis, etc. Entendons-nous bien, l’adultère existe depuis des lustres et continuera d’exister. Et il y a toutes sortes de contextes qui amènent certains à choisir d’aller voir ailleurs sans mettre fin à leur relation. Il y a de ces situations compliquées où faire le pas et tout chambouler entraîne un élan de panique. Il y a ces histoires d’un soir tant regrettées et qui n’auraient pas dû arriver. Il y a ces amours impossibles auxquelles on ne peut renoncer. Bref, le passage à «l’acte interdit» se reproduira. Mais le fait d’encourager la tromperie me désarçonne.
En même temps, en lisant ces articles, je comprends mieux pourquoi je me fais souvent dire que «ça doit être difficile pour mon conjoint d’être avec moi, qu’il ne peut rien me cacher, que je vais le savoir s’il me trompe». À chaque fois que revient ce genre de commentaires, je laisse mon conjoint répondre pour lui-même. Il parle alors des avantages d’une saine relation, d’une communication authentique, etc. Il énonce le soulagement lié au fait d’arrêter de garder ses émotions pour lui et de pouvoir les partager. Certains comprennent de quoi il parle. Mais, d’autres, parfois, ont des réactions surprenantes et insistent sur l’importance, pour eux, de cacher certains aspects de leur vie à leur conjoint. Alors je me demande comment il est possible d’aspirer à vivre une belle relation si l’on préfère mettre en place un système de tromperie. Comment est-il possible de regarder son partenaire dans les yeux et lui dire «Je t’aime» quand, quelques heures plus tôt, on s’abandonne dans les bras d’un autre. Il me semble qu’il y a là une incohérence et, cette incohérence, elle se voit dans le non-verbal... Car, le corps, lui ne ment pas.
MARTHE SAINT-LAURENT
LES FEMMES PRÉFÈRENT UN PATRON...
ANNABELLE BOYER, conférencière et auteure M. Sc Administration, Génagogue, Synergologue
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