Vendredi, 8 novembre 2013

ELLE NE JOUE PAS SEULE

Étant membre du Réseau Nanny Secours, il m’arrive de répondre à des questions de parents (www.nannysecours.com). J’ai donc eu envie, cette semaine, de vous présenter une question que j’ai reçue, suivi de ma réponse.

 

Je tiens à vous préciser qu’il est quand même assez difficile de répondre aux questions de parents: il nous manque plusieurs informations importantes.  C’est pour cette raison que vous pourrez constater que ma réponse inclut plusieurs questions. Le but est de susciter une réflexion chez le parent.  Ses réponses seront des pistes intéressantes à explorer.



QUESTION

J’ai une merveilleuse petite fille de 1 an et 1 mois. Jusqu’à l’âge d’environ 9 mois, elle était carrément sage comme une image! En ce moment, mon plus gros souci c’est qu’elle a de la difficulté à jouer toute seule à la maison, parce qu’à la garderie elle semble s’amuser très bien toute seule la plupart du temps.
 
Tandis qu’à la maison, elle est TOUJOURS accrochée après nos pantalons en chignant… On lui a installé un tapis de jeu avec son bac à jouets à proximité, dans le salon (ce qui fait qu’elle nous voit et est avec nous dans l’action)… mais elle y reste rarement, et quand elle y reste, ce n’est que quelques minutes.
 
Il faut dire que ces temps-ci, elle est EXTRÊMEMENT « maman ». Quand elle est seule avec papa, il parait que c’est moins pire et qu’elle joue un peu plus toute seule. Quand elle me voit, ça devient fou. Elle a de la difficulté à jouer avec ses jouets. Elle fouille partout, marche… mais on dirait qu’elle ne s’occupe pas longtemps. C’est peut-être moi qui suis trop exigeante.
 
Quand nous revenons de la garderie, on passe toujours 30 minutes avec elle pour la rassasier… Il est vrai que nous jouons beaucoup avec elle, car sinon elle pleure, alors ça devient peut-être un cercle vicieux…
 
Des trucs s’il vous plait!




RÉPONSE

Je tiens à vous dire que j’entends la maman en vous qui cherche des solutions et qui cherche surtout le meilleur pour son enfant. Jouer seul est un apprentissage. Nous ne naissons pas autonomes. Il y a des étapes. Et apprendre à jouer seul en fait partie.
 
Votre cocotte est encore bien jeune. Il serait utopique de penser qu’elle pourrait jouer seule pendant de longues périodes de temps. Toutefois, il y a une différence entre jouer seul pendant une heure et s’accrocher continuellement aux pantalons de ses parents. C’est ce que j’entends dans votre témoignage.
 
Vous avez déjà eu la bonne idée de lui installer un tapis de jeu dans un endroit où vous pouvez la surveiller. Et vous reconnaissez son besoin d’être avec vous, de nourrir son besoin d’attention, en lui accordant un moment de plaisir à son retour de garderie. Vous mentionnez qu’elle arrive à bien jouer à la garderie, sans être dans les bras de son éducatrice. Il semble que la situation est aussi plus facile avec papa. Elle est donc capable de le faire.
 
Vous mentionnez que ça semble être pire avec vous. Quelques questions me viennent à l’esprit:
  • Comment réagissez-vous lorsqu’elle pleure ou s’accroche à vous?
  • À quel moment arrive-t-elle à jouer seule? Y a-t-il des périodes plus faciles que d’autres, comme le matin ou après une bonne sieste, par exemple?
  • Lorsqu’elle joue seule, même si ce n’est que deux minutes, quelles sont vos réactions : Vous la félicitez? Vous vous installez auprès d’elle pour vous intéresser à ce qu’elle fait?
  • Comment réagissez-vous lorsqu’elle marche partout et fouille à différents endroits?
  • Quelles sont vos attentes? Sont-elles réalistes selon l’âge et le type d’enfant que vous avez?
  • Êtes-vous vous-même une personne qui chercher à s’occuper? Arrivez-vous à vous accorder des moments de pause ou avez-vous l’impression d’être à la course? Ressentez-vous le besoin d’être entourée?
  • Quelles sont les attitudes de Papa face à cette situation? Comment réagit-il?
Les réponses à ces questions vous aideront à vous orienter dans la bonne direction. Je vous propose tout de même quelques pistes :
  • Continuez à nourrir son besoin d’attention en créant des moments avec elle (comme vous le faites en ce moment). Exprimez-lui comment vous vous sentez. Assurez-vous de lui accorder toute votre attention lors de ces moments. Parfois, nous y sommes de corps, mais pas d’esprit puisque nous pensons aux brassées de lavage qu’il reste à faire, à la liste d’épicerie, etc.  Pour vraiment bénéficier d’un beau moment ensemble, il est important d’être entièrement présent.
  • Avant de débuter quelque chose (comme du ménage, par exemple), prenez quelques minutes pour démarrer un jeu avec elle : « Viens, ma chérie. Je vais sortir les blocs pour toi. Ensuite, je vais plier le linge. » Asseyez-vous et commencez à fabriquer une tour. Au bout de quelques minutes, vous vous éloignez en la laissant jouer.
  • Lorsque vous vous attardez à une autre tâche, acceptez qu’elle puisse venir s’accrocher à vos pantalons, sans y accorder trop d’importance. Vous pouvez lui dire une première fois : « Tu aimerais que maman joue avec toi? En ce moment, je prépare le souper. Tu peux aller jouer avec ta poupée, ma chérie. » Vous le dites sur un ton calme, mais ferme. Si elle continue à s’accrocher à vos jambes, ignorez-la et continuez votre tâche, et ce, même si ce n’est pas toujours facile.
  • En revanche, n’oubliez pas de la féliciter d’avoir joué seule, même si ce n’est que deux minutes. N’accordez pas d’importance aux 10 minutes qui viennent de s’écouler durant lesquelles elle s’est accrochée à vous. Accordez votre attention à ce que vous avez aimé et non pas à ce qui vous a dérangé. Éventuellement, votre fillette comprendra qu’elle n’a aucun gain à s’accrocher à vous et que c’est beaucoup plus agréable d’aller jouer!
  • Assurez-vous qu’elle se trouve dans un lieu sécuritaire. Si elle aime se promener et fouiller partout, il serait peut-être souhaitable de fermer quelques portes et de verrouiller les portes d’armoires. Ainsi, vous n’aurez pas à intervenir pour l’empêcher d’y avoir accès. Elle comprendrait rapidement qu’ouvrir certaines portes d’armoire ou aller jouer dans la salle de bain lui permet d’avoir l’attention de maman!
Ceci étant dit, je prends le temps de vous rappeler que votre cocotte n’a que 13 mois. Elle est encore très jeune. C’est une période où elle a encore besoin d’une grande présence de ses parents. Vous avez tout intérêt à faire preuve d’un peu de patience, beaucoup d’amour et votre petite chérie apprendra graduellement à jouer seule.

Mélanie est coach familial, conférencière et fondatrice de GrandDire.  Elle est enseignante à l'école de coaching familial Nancy Doyon et membre du réseau Nanny Secours. Elle est aussi maman de deux enfants et comprend le défi des parents de vouloir s'épanouir dans leur rôle de parent.

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