Vendredi, 18 octobre 2013

TRANCHE DE VIE

Le 23 septembre dernier, une manchette sur le site web du journal La Presse attira mon regard : « Lorsque la performance mène à l’anxiété. »

 
L’article, fort intéressant, évoquait un problème fréquent, c’est-à dire l’anxiété de performance chez les enfants.  Qu’en est-il? Et pour quelles raisons les jeunes enfants vivent-ils ce stress ? Le billet met les parents sous les projecteurs. Il est vrai que nous avons énormément d’influence sur nos enfants. Souvent sans même nous en rendre compte, simplement par les comportements que nous répétons inlassablement devant eux.


D’ailleurs, cette lecture m’a rappelé cette fameuse fois où j’ai réalisé que la  phrase « Fais ce que je dis, ne fais pas ce que je fais » ne fonctionnait pas, ni avec les adultes qui m’entouraient, encore moins avec mes propres enfants...



Ma fille avait six ans à l’époque. Elle venait à peine de débuter sa première année. Un soir, en feuilletant ses cahiers, elle me pointe un exercice qu’elle avait fait en classe. Sur la première page de son cahier d’écriture, elle avait aligné au moins une soixantaine de petits « a » laborieusement tracés entre les « trottoirs » de la page. Sincèrement impressionnée, j’avais félicité chaleureusement ma cocotte. Bizarrement, elle ne partageait pas mon enthousiasme. En fait, elle ne remarquait que les trois « a » qui dépassaient des fameux trottoirs. Malgré ma véhémence à lui faire remarquer tous les autres « a » bien alignés, son attention était portée uniquement sur ceux qu’elle avait « raté ».

J’étais à la fois surprise et sincèrement désolée de constater qu’une enfant puisse se montrer si impitoyable avec elle-même. Je me questionnai alors sur mes interventions avec elle : « Étais-je trop exigeante avec elle? » Il me semblait pourtant que je lui donnais le droit à l’erreur.

En soirée, toujours perplexe face à la réaction de ma fille, j’en avais discuté avec mon conjoint. Celui-ci s’était aussitôt exclamé : « Tu ne le vois pas? », comme si c’était une évidence. Visiblement, il y avait quelque chose que je ne comprenais pas. Avec beaucoup d’amour, il m’avait alors démontré que l’attitude de ma fille n’était en fait que la réflexion de ma propre attitude face à mes propres erreurs. J’étais, à cette époque, implacable face à mes échecs. Les erreurs, c’était acceptable… pour les autres!  J’ai compris à ce moment-là que je n’avais pas besoin d’être exigeante avec ma fille pour qu’elle le soit envers elle-même : il me suffisait de lui servir d’exemple.



Heureusement cet épisode a été très formateur pour moi et ma fille. Le matin suivant cette révélation, je me suis assise au chevet de ma fille et nous avons eu une belle conversation au cours de laquelle je l’ai humblement remerciée : « Merci ma cocotte, de me montrer telle que je suis. Maintenant on va faire quelque chose, tu veux? On va s’aider. S’aider à accepter nos erreurs. » 

Nos enfants sont de grands enseignants. Merci ma cocotte!

Mélanie est coach familial, conférencière et fondatrice de GrandDire.  Elle est enseignante à l'école de coaching familial Nancy Doyon et membre du réseau Nanny Secours. Elle est aussi maman de deux enfants et comprend le défi des parents de vouloir s'épanouir dans leur rôle de parent.

WWW.GRANDIRE.COM
L’article, fort intéressant.
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