Mercredi, 20 avril 2011

JACK LAYTON EST SEXCITING

Je ne parle à peu près jamais de politique, mais là j’avoue que c’est plus fort que moi, Jack Layton me séduit énormément.

 
Il a d’abord un sourire dévastateur qui donnerait le goût à une féministe endurcie de chanter « C’est beau un homme ». Et puis cette jolie moustache, sa canne. Mettez lui un haut de forme et une jaquette de gala, et il vous a une dégaine digne d’un beau Lord de l’establishment britannique. Et surtout il ne se prend pas pour un autre. Pour lui j’écaillerais ses peanuts toute une soirée. Je ne suis pas politisé plus qu’il ne faut, mais je ne suis pas aveugle non plus. Vous savez, dans l’Antiquité, il y avait le philosophe Diogène qui était à la recherche, infructueuse, de l’honnête homme.

Malheureusement pour lui il est mort trop tôt, car s’il avait rencontré Layton, il aurait trouvé son homme. Parce qu’entre nous, si on y regarde de près, on voit avec consternation le retour du bedon d’Harper, les sourcils à la Languirand d’Ignatieff et les gros yeux de Duceppe qui me rappellent un mauvais épisode de la série de science-fiction « Au-delà du réel ». Layton a tout pour devenir un leader de troupeau.
                                                    
LA MONARCHIE EXPLOSE

Oui, les usages à la Cour britannique changent et rajeunissement. Au mariage du prince William et de Catherine Middleton, on a invité plein de pipoles dont les Beckham, comme je l’ai écrit déjà dans cette colonne. Puis Guy Ritchie, l’ex de Madonna. Et pourquoi fait-on ça au juste? Pour montrer que la monarchie se rapproche des forces vives de la jeunesse. C’est une bonne chose. La reine Victoria doit se retourner dans sa tombe, elle dont on n’a jamais vu la cheville. Imaginez l’arrivée de Mme Beckham, les lolos pigeonnants et bien bronzés à l’Abbaye de Westminster. Je suis sûr que la côte du Christ en croix va se mettre à saigner durant la cérémonie.




Madonna et son ex Guy Ritchie



Puis vous avez vu les dernières photos de l’épouse du Prince Charles, Camilla Parker Bowles? Botoxée et quoi encore. Le Dr. Alain Dansereau, le plasticien québécois des stars, l’a remarqué. Il me l’a dit, elle a eu le visage « rempli ». Et le Prince Charles n’y est pour rien. Lui, on se demande qui il remplit… Il préfère flatter la croupe d’un étalon.

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y est allé d’un sondage pour connaître, lesquels nobles avaient la cote d’amour. Eh bien chez les femmes, c’est Grace Kelly qui l’emporte et de loin, suivie de la reine Rania de Jordanie (quelle jolie poupée, surnommée la Marie-Antoinette du monde arabe, because le shopping), suivi de Kate Middleton et Lady Di. Et chez les hommes, dans l’ordre, Carl Philip de Suède, Andrea, le fils de la princesse Caroline de Monaco (un fabuleux beau blond), Frederik de Danemark et Harry Windsor, qui devance le prince William. Peut-être parce qu’il est encore célibataire et disponible. Il a l’air d’un farfadet espiègle. Un jeune faune dans une forêt enchantée, avec ses oreilles pointues.
                                                           

Grace Kelly


LOUVAIN TOUJOURS AU TOP


L’autre soir, à Tout le monde en parle, Michel Louvain faisait plaisir à voir. 73 ans, le bonhomme, et toujours séduisant. C’est presque notre Cary Grant, si on peut se permettre des comparaisons. Il est toujours classe, comme dirait Marie-Chantale. Et fait intéressant, on a réussi à le faire sacrer en ondes, lui qui pensait qu’on aurait mis des bip bip au montage. Un sursaut de virilité inattendu, mes amis. Une vraie brute. Un molosse sortant ses crocs. Grrrrrr!!!! Oh le méchant garnement quand il veut. Mais blague à part, il est toujours passionné par son métier et se voit chanter tant que la santé est au rendez-vous. En tout cas, il en a une sacrée bonne. Ce n’est pas lui qui fait gonfler les coût de santé au Québec, le beau Michel. Comme le prince Harry, c’est un être à chérir.


Michel Louvain en 1961

Mon dieu, je regarde ma montre, mes choupettes. C’est pas possible, dix interurbains sur mon répondeur à retourner. Ça me coûte une beurrée en longue distance. Vous pensez que c’est commode, vous, des appels de Mégève, de l’Île Moustique, Antibes, Santorin et quoi encore. Les écouter, il faudrait que je saute dans le premier avion pour aller faire la nouba sur une plage. Mais depuis que les compagnies aériennes coupent dans les dépenses et servent des demi-Subways en guise de plat-repas, je préfère éviter les avions. Vite que le beau temps arrive, que je sorte Pablo en promenade. L’autre jour, il a attrapé un coup de froid et mon vétérinaire a réglé l’affaire d’un seul coup. Il commence à être une vraie star, mon petit canin. Il y a une maison d’édition de bande dessinée belge qui m’a offert dans le six chiffres pour que Pablo devienne la vedette d’une BD. Semble-t-il pour faire oublier Milou. J’ai dit oubliez ça!

Je vous embrasse langoureusement dans le cou et partout où c’est permis. À vous d’imaginer l’endroit. N.B. Tiens un carton d’invitation dans le courrier pour un bal costumé sur le thème « Ne découvrez que la partie du corps que vous aimez ». Ah! Non! Je ne pourrai même pas mettre un pied dehors car la partie de mon corps que j’aime le mieux me précède quand je franchis une porte…

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