Pauvres enfants insignifiants… Je vous dis que ça frappe fort quand on se rend compte que les contes de fées de sont pas de vraies histoires…
Quand j’étais jeune, ma mère me lisait plein d’histoire de princesses. Cendrillon qui trouve son prince charmant en enfilant un chausson de verre. Blanche-Neige qui ressuscite grâce au baiser de son preux chevalier. Et tous ces «Ils vécurent heureux et eurent beaucoup d’enfants». Ces contes m’ont fait miroiter l’amour éternel. Je croyais que les princesses existaient vraiment. Le soir, alors que j’étais censée dormir, je regardais les étoiles et je faisais le souhait de me réveiller en étant une princesse en compagnie de l’homme ma vie. Quand je me réveillais, j’étais déçue d’être encore moi. Quand j’ai eu mon premier amoureux, je croyais encore qu’amour signifiait toujours. Et pourtant, quand il a décidé de partir, j’ai pleuré jusqu’à ce que je perde toutes mes forces.
Dans mes cours d’éthique, on m’a appris que les relations étaient basées sur la confiance. Que le pardon était une chose indispensable. Que la jalousie n’a pas sa place dans une relation saine parce qu’on doit se faire confiance. Pourtant, on cherche toujours un petit défaut aux personnes qui nous entourent. Un infime signe de trahison. On fait semblant de pardonner parce que nous sommes des êtres rancuniers. On est jaloux de n’importe qui et de n’importe quoi.
On m’a souvent dit que les mots n’étaient que des mots. Qu’ils n’avaient aucun poids, presque qu’aucune signification. Que jamais aucune insulte ne m’atteindrait parce que ce ne sont que des mots lancés en l’air. Des mots qui volent et qui tombent sans faire de dommages, comme les feuilles à l’automne.
Et pourtant j’ai sentis ces mots comme des pierres. À coup d’insultes, je me suis fait lapider. Ces mots, qui étaient supposés se poser doucement dans mon oreille et mourir sans qu’on ne s’en rende compte, m’ont détruite tant leur poids était pesant. Ces adultes m’ont vu pleurer de douleur, de peur et de rage. Mais ils m’ont laissée là et m’ont répété que les mots ne sont que des mots. Qu’ils devraient partir de ma tête aussitôt qu’ils sont arrivés...
On m’a fait croire que partout dans le monde les gens s’en foutaient, des différences. Des gens m’ont dit qu’aujourd’hui, on accepte tout le monde tel qu’il est. Mais ce n’est pas vrai. J’ai vu des gros se faire insulter. Des minces se faire traiter d’anorexique. Des Noirs se faire dire qu’ils n’étaient pas les bienvenues ici. Des Allemands se faire traiter de maudits nazis. Des Musulmans se faire crier de retourner dans leur pays. Des pauvres se faire traiter de robineux. Des handicapés mentaux se faire traiter d’ortho. Des homosexuels se faire crier des choses que je ne peux répéter. Aujourd’hui, les différences sont vues comme des défauts, contrairement à ce qu’on m’a dit quand j’étais enfant…
Pourquoi on ne nous le dit pas dès le départ, qu’on vit dans une société dégueulassement faite, hein? Il me semble que ça ferait moins mal si on savait vraiment ce qui nous attend dans la vie. Pourquoi on nous raconte des conneries alors qu’ils le savent, les adultes, qu’un jour, ça nous explosera en plein visage? J’aurais aimé ça, moi, savoir que les mots blessent; je me serais préparée à l’avance! J’aurais voulu qu’on me lance un dictionnaire en pleine face et qu’on hatay escort me dise : «T’as eu mal? Ça c’est des mots, ça frappe fort. Prépare-toi, t’as pas fini d’en voir ici.» J’aurais voulu qu’on me dise que le prince charmant n’existe pas et qu’on ne finit pas sa vie avec le premier homme qu’on aime. Comme ça, je ne me serais pas forcée à entretenir une relation malsaine.
En gros, j’aurais voulu qu’on me prépare réellement à la vie, aussi laide qu’elle puisse être, au lieu de me faire miroiter un monde idéal, un monde dans lequel on ne vit pas. Apprenez-nous comment la vie sera pour vrai, parce qu’on est naïfs, nous, les enfants. Mais surtout, parce qu’on ne mérite pas de recevoir vos mensonges qui servent à cacher votre honte envers la société dans laquelle nous vivons. C’est vous qui l’avez faite.
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